Some English Jokes and some common mistakes

Funny Hotel Signs

Visitors are expected to complain at the office
between the hours of 9 and 11 A.M. daily.

The lift is being fixed for the next day.
During that time we regret that you will be unbearable.

Please bathe inside the tub.

Do not go out except emergency.

At the end of a hotel legal disclaimer:
The management of this hotel can not be held.

From an elevator
DO NOT USE ELEVATOR WHILE CAUSING FIRE.

Sign in a hotel parking garage:
Please get a punch at window.
Is forbidden to steal hotel towels please.
If you are not a person to do such thing
is please not to read notis.

On a hotel fire extinguisher:
Cease Fire.

Funny Signs on Products On a box of fine tissues:
Skin will be touched softly and gently by
100% high quality pulp.

On a shampoo bottle:
Use repeatedly for severe damage.

On the packaging of a sir fry pan.
Do not use mental tools for prolonging
the life of the pan.

From the packaging of a brand of medicine.

Expiration date: 2 years

On another bottle of medicine.

Known to cure itching, colds, stomachs,
brains, and other diseases.



On a sports drink bottle:

Pocari Sweat Refreshment water


Funny restaurant Signs
Our great food will never leave you!

Please leave a pet outside.

It will take about 1 minute to fix a hot drink.
Please wail.

We serve people like you as good food!

Our wines leave you nothing to hope for.

Special today -- no ice cream.

CUSTOMERS WHO FIND OUR WAITRESSES RUDE
OUGHT TO SEE THE MANAGER.

“Colorful dining space surrounded by stained glasses."

Sign in a cafeteria
Please keep chair on position and keep table cleaned after dying.
Other Funny Signs
On a cash register:
Sorry. We can not change.

Outside a tailor shop:
Ladies have fits upstairs.

In an advertisement by a dentist:
Teeth extracted by the latest Methodists.

In an airline ticket office:
We take your bags and send them in all directions.

In a zoo:
Please do not feed the animals. If you have
any suitable food, give it to the guard on duty.

Babysitting ad by college students:
"Please call us! We will provide you with any emergency."

Private school:
NO TRESPASSING WITHOUT PERMISSION.

Signs on trash cans in an amusement
park
PLEASE WASTE

Sign in a train station:
For restrooms, go back toward your behind.

A flush button in subway toilet:
You lady will push this button before leaving.


From the cover of a notebook
My heart is very flammable
when I see your beautiful eyes.

River highway sign:
TAKE NOTICE: WHEN THIS SIGN IS UNDER WATER,
THIS ROAD IS IMPASSABLE.